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A Nuyorican's Musical Theme

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Is This All There Is?

My family is full of members who are over 85 years old. In addition to this, my family is full of twins, mostly paternal - boy/girl rather than same sex. One pair of twins who are identical is a set of twin women who are 98 years old. One of them is healthy like an ox. She has no high blood pressure, no cholesterol problems, absolutely nothing wrong with her. Unfortunately, the other one had Alheimer's disease and was living in a nursing home. My great aunt with Alzheimer's died on Saturday. When I found out, I was both sad and happy. Happy that she is now with her Lord but sad about our "special" time.

What I remember most of my great aunt was that she was extremely religious. She was a devout Catholic who went to church daily and would only read the Bible. When I was 13 years old, my parents and I moved to New York City. During my visits back home to Puerto Rico, I would go to church with my aunt. That's all I really remember about her. The next time I see my aunt again will be 17 years later and by then she has Alzheimer's. She would periodically quote the Bible and she was always praying. But she remembers the little me and the grown me is a stranger. Every Saturday, I would go to visit her by taking a train and 2 buses to see her. See, my family would go to visit occasionally and although, my mom was trusted with her estate, she herself would not go every week. So every week this "stranger" would go to visit her by 9 a.m. and read the Bible to her in Spanish. Although, she died never really knowing who I was, it was our time together and nobody needed to know. I never told a soul until now that on Saturdays, she was my previous engagement. I would never break it. Sometimes, I would get there at 11 instead of 9 but I went faithfully every week without fail. So, it came as a surprise when I arrived on my usual time and found my parents there. My aunt had died. Of course, I had to explain why I was there with this huge bible but this was the only bible I had that was in Spanish. What happened next shook me to the core. My aunt, I learned, will be cremated something I know my aunt would never had wanted being the faithful Catholic woman she was even until the very end. My aunt never married and therefore, never had children. As they were packing her things, everything fit in one medium sized paper bag. On the ride home, as my parents chatted about what event they were going to that night, I started to think. Is this what life is all about? As I held my aunt's belongings I wanted to cry out. She was no longer a memory to anyone but me.

I am also a single person with no kids, is this what my end is going to be like for me?