A Nuyorican Vision - Thoughts in Motion

Hmmm....Do I think Imus is a racist? I am not sure for I don't know Imus and have never cared for his show. But was his comment a racist one? For sure, no doubt about it.

What Imus does not and will not understand is that our youth is constantly bombarded with negative messages. They are constantly told by the "White" aka mainstream media that they are not worthy. This image of unworthiness, at times, are confirmed by some teachers, the police, society at large and sometimes, unfortunately, by their own family. The Rutgers Women Basketball Team had achieved a brief moment of acceptance, worthiness. For Imus to go and degrade these women was uncalled for and he should be held accountable.

I listened today to Al Sharpton's show. During the show, a caller told Imus he should be fired. Imus was peddling back and forth but finally used two key words which just sunk him even further, "You People". Now I am guilty of using the same words, "You People" and I pretty much mean it in the same manner which Imus was using it at the time. But I was told and it was brought home today that saying "You People" to African Americans is insulting. Something, I assure you I don't want to do. The caller and Al immediately repeated the insult. My question is how can we stop this type of racism from creeping out not only from the mouths of so-called celebrities but from their thoughts as well? I am disgusted as well that these nobodies then get on television or radio to offer their quick apologies. These apologies I feel is to ensure that the African American community does not picket their pristine offices and cause discomfort.

It saddens me to know that Imus has a huge following, just like Howard Stern. Two shows that I do not enjoy and therefore do not listen to. I can almost imagine many of Imus' fans laughing at his comments regarding the Rutgers women. At the moment and believe me I know a few people who personally love both of these shows, did they think or say "Wait a minute, that's unacceptable." Believe me, Imus will not lose his following. But these women did lose their moment. For today's news is not how Rutgers won but about Imus apologizing on the Al Sharpton's Show.

The Rutgers Women Basketball Team's moment of glory has been diminished to shine the spotlight on a white man's foot-in-mouth apology.

Update: Imus has been suspended by CBS Radio and MSNBC but he has not been fired. In today's world of satellite radio, even if he was fired, I would not be surprised if he ends up there. Also, at 6pm (EST), I was able to go to imusblog.com and listen to the entire broadcast of the Al Sharpton's show featuring Imus. That account is now suspended.

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.
2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.
4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still. So He can untangle the knot.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.
9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
10. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
11. The most important things in your home are the people.
12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.
13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.
17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goal and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

I went to San Antonio last week with all the hopes and giddiness of a school girl. I was finally going to met the person who I fell in love with. What I recieved was a lesson on why I should not trust people. I have always been a trusting soul. But after Sunday, I realized that trust is not ever to be given to anyone.

I put away childish things and I have grown up.

We called it an early nite today; JK is exhausted. As for me, you know I have the energy of a three year old...LOL.

San Antonio was beautiful. We stood in a hotel called Watermark Hotel & Spa. John called me spoiled when I suggested that hotel as opposed to a hotel that someone in Pal Talk had suggested. After a few minutes, he said I made a wise choice. See people should trust me :) . Anyway, San Antonio's River Walk is just beautiful and at night it's so romantic with all its lights. We also visited San Antonio's Botanical Garden which anyone who is in San Antonio must visit. Of course, we also went to The Alamo. But mostly, we just traveled on our own, trying to get a feel of the place. San Antonio surprised me. I thought it would be very suburban but it's really very metropolitan, at least more metropolitan than what I had imagined. JK loved San Antonio and actually so did I. I took tons of pics and swear I will upload them when I get home.

Our next stop, Austin. We are currently in Austin and of course while there we visited our friend. Austin is just beautiful. I love Austin. So now there's some conflict, JK wants to live in San Antonio. I want Austin. Austin deserves its own post, that's how much I fell in love with the place. It's very cultural and has tons of museums :) . My favorite so far has to be Jack S Blanton Museum of Art located on the University of Texas campus. You must visit this place if you are a fan of art. So far I have visited 4 museums and I have only been here for 2 days. I think Austin is going to be my new home.

We did visit my work offices both in San Antonio and Austin. Both look the same to me and they both seem to look like my office in NJ, so much for individuality. Both offices have room for me and the people were so friendly so I felt very welcomed.

Well, another 2 days in Austin and then back to New York City. I do miss the city but I am loving Austin.

Later or better yet, heeeee hawwwww. By the way, I have yet to hear anyone say that...LOL.

Well, JK and I arrived safely to San Antonio this morning. Due to the rain in NYC, we had a 2 hours delay but was greeted to wonderful weather here in San Antonio.

The Riverwalk area is beautiful so now we are off to lunch and then some site seeing. I have already taken tons of pictures and will upload them shortly.

We are here until Sunday and then off to Austin.

Catch you all later....Heeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww

Side Note: Although I am "officially" on vacation. I am working today and Sunday. I did 4 conference calls today and the next one is at 3:30pm (4:30 est). This is what you get when you are managing a multi-billion dollar project. Your vacation is not really vacation.

I previously stated that I had in the past been a Roman Catholic and a Jehovah's Witness. Today the latter religion came knocking at my door. First and foremost, I am not a disfellowed member. Disfellowship, for those that do not know, is when the congregation shuns you for some sinful act and you are no longer associated as a member. I am a disassociated member because it was my decision to leave. As a disassociated member, I am shunned by my former Jehovah's Witnesses friends and family members since I have not repented, i.e., have not returned to the fellowship, I will never be resurrected once God reigns again. This is according to the Jehovah's Witnesses.

At the age of 17, I was very dissatified with my Catholic religion and was looking for answers to many of my questions. While in high school, I met and had a friendship with a fellow student who was a Jehovah Witness. After several visits, I started going to my local Kingdom Hall which happened to be just a block away from my parents' home. I never felt comfortable with them but at least unlike my former religion, I did get answers. Today, I do not accept a lot of the answers I received but at 17, something was better than nothing. I will go into the reasons why in another post, I promise. I have a lot to say about being a Roman Catholic and a Jehovah Witness. But I will say this much, the guilt put on me during my time as a Jehovah Witness was extreme. I was a non-smoker, at the time, and had never had a drop of alcohol until the age of 24. I left the fellowship at the age of 23.

My biggest sin was that I fell in love and married a man who was not a Jehovah Witness. He actually considered himself an atheist. Today, I would say my husband was no such thing, he was agnostic. He believed in a higher power but gave it no name. And he lived a honest, considerate life as far as any human can. My fellow brothers and sisters continued to attack me for not trying to convert him or rather as they would say it "save him". They are right, I never tried to get him to convert. He respected me and my beliefs and I returned the favor. The elders would lecture me endlessly about our marriage and "bedroom" behavior. They wanted details on both on a constant basis since I was in a way in danger of "becoming a lost sheep." I left them when I was 23 and my husband was sick from leukemia. My husband was dying and what I was told by one of the elders is that my Jehovah was doing this because he was dissatified with my husband and that my husband would never ever see eternal life. That was it, I left. Over the years, I wandered around in search of God. Even this year, I returned back to Catholicism and did Jehovah Witness bible studies. How's that for being twisted? I am now a member of a non-denominational church and feel that I have found a true fellowship for me.

I am currently reading Raymond Franz's In Search of Christian Freedom. Franz is an ex-Witness and was also an elder at one time. Of course, his books are not preferred reading in the JW community. I was reading this particular book when I got a knock at the door. It was one of the Witness that stands in the subway which I use to go to work. Upon seeing the book in my hand, she said "Jehovah guided me to your door." I laughed at that comment because I would have probably have said the same thing in her shoes. She began to talk to me about her scriptures. The reason why I say her scriptures is because she is getting a lot of her information from the New World Translation bible and the WatchTower. Both things are published by Jehovah Witnesses. We began to talk and I told her all about her religion and that I was disassociated member. She left my home by saying that I was lost. For the past few weeks, I have stop smoking. Completely stopped by prayer and dedication, I have found strength against this demon. I am relaxed and continue to grow my relationship with God and Jesus. So I thought as I was closing the door, she feels that I am lost and I know that I am drinking from the best well.

Afterthought: I am back on PalTalk under another username and am frequently in the ExJehovahs Witness following Jesus room. If you are a member of PalTalk you should come and visit that room. It's very interesting.

Today as I am leaving for work, I hear in the news that my train line is down because of "police activity." Not one train but my entire line, the 2 and 3 trains. So I decided no problem, I know in advance I will walk to the "B" train. Unfortunately, many of my fellow New Yorkers thought the same thing too. So as I go into the station, I find a mob of people trying to get to work. After waiting 47 minutes to get into a squashed train, I get to hear that there are signal problems ahead. Of course, this announcement, which by the way I heard clearly (yeah, no muffled voice, go figure!) was said while we were in the tunnel; no chance of getting out. A trip that normally takes me about 45 minutes, took today 2 hours and 19 minutes.

And so while people were shoving each other and cursing at one another, I could not help but sing to myself (no, I did not sing out loud) "Native New Yorker." For weeks, the City has been romancing me, trying very hard to make me change my mind of leaving her. She was a seductress and I was wondering if maybe I should stay. Today's train experience did not change my mind. I did not go and say yeah this is why I want to leave. The truth is I love my city and all she offers. Sometimes she offers great excitement and love and sometimes she offers darkness and fear but that's what New York City is all about.

In less than 2 weeks, JK, who has decided he wants to move with me, and I will be going to Texas where we will visit my work offices in San Antonio and Austin. Chances are I will pick Austin. No matter how beautiful Austin is, Austin will never romance me like New York City. I guess I am just a native New Yorker at heart.

Yesterday, like millions of New Yorkers, my friend JK and I were cheering those who participated in the ING New York City Marathon. It was a cool Fall day and a perfect day for a marathon.

What amazes me is not so much the professional athletes because they train all year for these events. Not to take anything away from them because it takes determination and perseverance to be a professional athlete. But what I really like to see is the common man, who has been training for months so that they can participate in this event.

While eating Sunday breakfast with my family I got to see runners in First Avenue. When I got home I got to see the runners going into Central Park. I could see the exhaustion on their faces but also the determination to carry on to the finish line. It's amazing that we humans have the uncanny ability to sustain pain and exhaustion and somehow draw up some inner strength that makes us go on.

Every year I have my own personal "marathon". Although I love my high heeled boots, I am extremely flat footed - no sign of an arch anywhere on my feet. So my personal marathon is the March of Dimes. Each year I go around and have people sponsor me and I always get new sponsors as well who don't feel I will make it. Once year, allow blisters and pain to take over my feet. Yet each year, after many socks changes and bandages later, I bring up this determination not to quit. All who know me know my feet are always and I mean always done, not a corn or abnormality will be allowed on my feet. So the March of Dimes is a torture. But somewhere near the half way mark I get into this zone. It's a zone that only sheer will, determination and darn stubborness exists. And each year I cross the finish line and for a week later I am suffering while collecting my money.

I saw this determination, this will to finish yesterday, in every common man whether his feet was what carried him or a wheelchair. And all I could do was cheer - loud and proud for my fellow man.

To all those who participated in the NYC Marathon whether you finished or not, I salute you.

Today is the best time of year. It's Halloween. And of course, I am going to be the largest Halloween parade in the U.S., the New York City Halloween Parade.

I know Halloween is a pagan day but even as a child, Halloween was even better than Christmas to me. I know, I was a strange kid. But the fact that we are dressing up in costume so that the dead would not recognize us as one among the living fascinated me.

This year, I am a sexy black witch. And when I mean sexy I mean cleavage and everything is hanging, baby.

Well Happy Halloween to all. And ... Booooo. Did I scare you?

Finally! Friday is here and Girls' Nite out has arrived. Good times, good food and great company. Boy, do we have a lot to catch up on.

As for me, my week has been exciting. For one, my manager has granted me permission to relocate and I can relocate to wherever I wish without a reduction in pay plus moving expenses paid. And I have decided which state to look at first as well but more on that later. Also, my project is getting kudos in Asia Pacific (Japan for now). Lots of hard work is finally paying off.... :) So I end this work week in high spirits, great friends and Victor's Cafe. If you come to NYC and you like Cuban food, Victor's Cafe is the place to go.

What more can a girl ask for...except for a new pair of 5" heeled boots?

I am not one of those people who look forward to the Fall. To me, Fall means that it gets dark around 4:30 p.m. or 5 p.m., it starts getting cold and the wind is going to make a mess of my hair. What I do like about the Fall is the leaves changes, they are beautiful and....BOOTS. Yes, sir, I love wearing boots. And the kind I like are not the cool fluffy ones. I love high heeled boots, 3 inches or more for this girl, please.

I just brought myself 4 pairs of boots. Yuppers, I sure did. Ok, one pair does not count because they are snow boots....boooooo. But the other 3 are fantasic - 2 pairs of 4" heels and 1 pair of 3" heels! One of the 4" heeled boots is a long black suede so you know I am wearing my short skirts with that one. My ass is again going to be sashaying NYC streets in my beautiful boots starting tomorrow. Yippee, boot season is back!

This post will not contain my opinion just wanted everybody to know that there is a film coming out on the October 27th featuring Jesus as a black man. I am not endorsing this film in anyway. Just thought I post the website's url here. I haven't decided yet whether I want to see it.

http://www.colorofthecross.com/

For those who don't know me, I have been volunteering my time for many years. To be exact, since I was 13 years old. I believe in giving back to the community. Even if you can devote only an hour of your time once a month, people should give back. Our communities good or bad are our home. If you are unable to give to your community, give your time to a cause you believe in but give back. We are on this earth together so why make someone's else life just a little bit easier, happier or just to let them know that there is someone here who wants to spend some time with them.

JPMorgan Chase sponsors the On_Dec program which brings computers to school kids. It's an excellent program and they teach you how to install computers so novices can do it too. I looked and could not find how those who do not work for the company can participate. But there's another program that is modeled after the On_Dec program. Here's a link to that website, Comp2Kids.

Please devote your time, even if it's hour. It's worth it.

I have received many emails commenting on my sidebar. I wrote that I was a seeker and also add a saying from Yogananda. In December, 2005 when I originally created this blogger I was a seeker. I was a seeker of truth, not particular a teacher or a "religion." Today, I must say that I am no longer a seeker. I am now trying to become a more active participant. What I mean by that is that I want to deepen my relationship with GOD, not so much become a member of any religion.

I am currently writing a post regarding my dealings with the Roman Catholic religion. It's so long that I am trying to condense it somehow.

But for those who have sent several emails, here are my responses to the common questions.

Have you become more spiritual or religious?
I must say that I have become both. I was always spiritual, but I have found a great non-denominational church which I am now a member of.

What caused you to say you were a seeker?
As I wrote above, I was seeking the truth. My former religion and what the Bible speaks about are completely contradicting each other. I chose the Bible over my religion. I started seeking the truth elsewhere such as Buddhism, Hindism and even Jehovah Witness. But these failed to answer my questions. I started to read the Bible on my own. A good friend of mine recommended her church, I went and felt that it was a place where I was drinking from the "best well."

Are you an atheist or agnostic?
I am neither. I believe in God and his ultimate wisdom. I have and have always had a personal relationship with God. I just don't say a whole bunch of prayers. I converse with God, for he is always there listening, speaking and guiding me.

I have decided that the time has come for me to say good bye to New York City. I am going in tomorrow to ask my manager for permission to relocate. I have some vacation time left, 4 weeks to be exact, and although they are already planned the dates are flexible enough for me to look for a new home.

I am looking for a warmer climate. I love my family, friends and the life that I have built here. Yet, I know it's time to leave. Something in my gut says so and I always listen to my gut. Except for one situation dealing with a man, my gut is usually never wrong.

My first choice, of course is Florida but I am looking at other possibilities as well. Any recommendations? The location must be in the U.S. Email me with your recommendations and why. Click "View My Complete Profile" link on the right, my email contact is on the Profile. I would love to see the responses.

People always seem to amaze me. I have begun to classify my voicemail messages into categories.

Category 1: Just Hi - these messages are left from most friends and family. I usually respond to these.

Category 2: I Need Someone To Talk To - these are left usually by family, friends and some acquaintances. These messages are a cry for help and usually not a financial one but an emotional one. These messages are always returned by me.

Category 3: Making Sure You Call Back - these messages are usually left by men who know that I have a curious soul. They are usually left cryptic enough to ensure a call back. These sometimes get answered. Sometimes a mystery should remain just a mystery.

Category 4: The Gossip - these are the ones I most despise. They bring some news you either don't care about or just don't want to hear. The person continues to call several times during the hour and leaves one message but continues to call to see if they catch you at some point of the day. They call your home and cell or any other number you were stupid enough to give them. I hate these messages and never ever return them. The person will eventually catch up to me when I am not paying attention to my caller ID which really happens more often than not.

The reason why I am talking about my message categories. Well I got a Category 4 yesterday. I was not interested in speaking to this person. From the tone of the voice of the message I knew it was a Category 4. She kept on calling all day and night and not reaching me. This morning she called at the crack of dawn and of course with me forgetting that there is a person out there with a Category 4 answered the phone.

She chatted about non-sense before delivering the message she wanted to deliver. Now, if I tell a person I don't want to know any further details of an event. Why would you call with updates? Geez, when will I learn not to give my number out? Really!

It was brought to my attention today that my posts although tasteful were inconsiderate. Upon briefly thinking about it, I agreed with the person. I was thinking more of my hurt than of the people that I was writing about. I live by a standard of life not to hurt anyone even if I am hurting at the time. I was accused of being a coward. I agree, I was.

For those who took the time to post comments in my blog, I thank you and I am truly sorry I was unable to save them. I did read them all though and commented on each one of them. For those who have sent me emails, I thank you for your well wishes.

I have decided to write my thoughts about my feelings in regards to that particular subject to my machine's software and not in front of the public's eye.

I thought about this on my way to work. In December of 2005, I wrote that I was looking forward to life's unknown. Somehow I knew that life was going to throw me curves and angles in 2006. As this year heads towards winding down. Some of the unknowns are knowns now.

Although I know myself pretty well and those who know me would agree. I still surprise myself with things that I continue to learn about myself. It amazes me how this year has started and how it seems it is going to end.

I have always been extremely career-driven. My work was my life. And yet in 2006, I finally stopped and took the time to smell the roses. I started to leave work on time. Instead of working 15 to 16 hour days, I learned to work my eight and go home. I went on vacation and did not call the office once. I learned to trust that people will do their jobs if you allow them to. Now, I do not micromanage but I do double and triple check people's work. This year I came to trust the team that I manage. And guess what? They did not disappoint me at all.

I started to spend more time with friends and family. My family on an average saw me for about an hour tops once a week on any given day and that included holidays. I was always too busy working to give them more time. I now spend Saturdays with my parents when I can but I definitely spend time with them on Sundays after Sunday service. I go out and spend time with friends as well.

Speaking about Sunday service I went from being a Roman Catholic to going to a non-denominational church. I have always had issues with my Roman Catholic religion. As you can see from my sidebar I started to question my faith and therefore found myself as a seeker. I am now drinking from the best well and drinking daily from its living waters.

I learned that I can love someone with all my heart and soul. Except for my husband, I have never loved anyone else like him. I learned that I still can love like that. This surprises me. I thought that part of me died with my husband. I learned that it did not.

I learned that not always will I take the higher road in situations. There are times that I take a much lower road. This surprised me the most. For I am known for always taking the higher road. But this year I made decisions or perform actions that I never knew I was capable of.

So now I wonder what other life's unknown are coming my way. Again, I say here's to that wonderful thing about life...the unknown.

This is going to sound very crazy what I am about to write but hey, as you get to know more about me, you realize it's just me being me.

Every time I step out of my home, I am confronted with men who want to take me out, get to know me better or date me. And not just one or two, there are several men from my neighborhood ranging from African Americans to the Spanish and even one Irish man. This always amazes me because I am an average looking woman. Nothing really special to look at all. What's even more funny to me is that I don't give any of them a second glance yet every night this week I have been crying for another man. Now, I am not rude to them when they say hello. I do say hello back. It's not really in my nature to be rude and like my mami always says "a hello does not cost you anything."

I went to my nutritionist this evening and one man in subway kept staring at me. Normally to other people this means trouble. But for me I knew that he was finding a way to talk to me and ask me for my number. Sure enough, after the second stop, he approached me and told me I was beautiful. By stop four, he asked for the magic numbers. I said I did not think it was wise and got off on stop five. By the time I got to my nutritionist, six men had asked me out. And yet, I only think of one. SMH.

For the past 8 years, my girlfriends and I have been doing a Girls' Nite Out every month. I love this moment. These girls have been through thick and thin with me and vice versa. I trust these women without question or doubt.

So, I am kind of happy that Girls' Nite Out will be happening next Friday. I need the vibe that these special women give out. I have been so upset lately and had just been able to speak to them on the phone. So it's good that I will be able to feed from the positive vibes these women bring. I wish I could just add one more friend to our Girls' Nite Out. Milk is a person I met on PalTalk but has become a good close friend in such a short time. She is honest, outspoken and a just an overall beautiful person.

Now I met other women as well in PT but they ended up either being stupid, liars or just plain ol' "we are not cut from the same clothe" kind of people. Milk is crazy and I love her for that. She is also one of the most honest people I have ever met. I wish she was here in NYC so that she too could join our little circle. I know my friends would love her.

So if I get to Ohio anytime soon I know I am looking up Milk. She is definitely a friend for life.