A Nuyorican Vision - Thoughts in Motion

Today, I worked from home like I usually do. The person who has filled the position that will be evacated by me the last week of March has managed to upset 3 global regions - EMEA (London), Asia (Hong Kong) and U.S. (me). He is rude and is acting like he is our manager, so you know that is not sitting well. Well he has managed to piss me off for the second time. I decided not to stew about this because hey this is only temporary. I started to smile instead of getting more angry. Not only that today was the day that I was going downtown to get my resume done professionally by my company's outsourcing group.

Staying positive helps. The person who is my counselor is a firm believer of positive attitude and sending this energy to the Universe. This is awesome because I am the same way. My resume is still being worked on but then it does span almost 20 years of experience and 5 pages long. But I like the fact that we are on the same page.

So here's to positivity and a new job with my new professionally done calling card (resume)!

Now this may seem like a rant post. I am going to do my best not to make it one but the following has been getting on my nerves lately.

I have been experiencing this both in my online community and offline. I recently became aware that my love relationship was over. The reason I write it that way is because I wanted to continue the relationship and have it move forward; the other person did not deemed our relationship worth continuing. Therefore, he was aware of the end way before he told me. Anyway, men have been approaching me asking me whether the relationship is still intact or whether I am still in one. I, for the most part, am an honest person. So I answer "No." Now comes the part that is really getting on my nerves. The next thing out of the man's mouth is usually how stupid that man was, how they can do better, and how about a date or even better, how about some sex (???!!!???).

Now, my answer was pretty simple. I do not comment on how or why he broke up with me. I just said "No; and I don't want to talk about it." So the question is, what makes him stupid? Whatever happened to I am not a fit for him no matter what and how I feel about him. He has the right to say "This person is not for me." I have done it and others have done it too. It really does not matter that the other person in the relationship wants to continue; the relationship requires two people and one of them has rejected the relationship. Also, what makes you think that just because you have been flirting with me that I want you? Chances are, the flirting, was one-sided - yours. I am in love with a man in a state far away from me. All my thoughts and eyes only dealt with him. You were probably someone I was being polite to but not interested in any way. Asking me out on a date or even saying you are willing to take care of me sexually, boggles my mind. I have not asked you for anything. I have never shown interest in you in any kind of way. And coming to me on the sexual tip puts three bold red XXXs on your forehead. An "X" is my reject mark. Three means there is no way in hell I will ever be attracted to you. Also since my awareness of the end of the relationship happened in late January, what makes you think I want to be in another relationship right now? All of them were told that 'Mr. Right' found me. Even if he made himself 'Mr. Wrong', what makes you think that you are 'Mr. Right'? Because right now in my eyes, your approach is all so wrong. It almost seems to me that men think I have this little pink book where their names and numbers are stored. At the end of any relationship, I flip through it saying "Next." I remember men actually telling me "Well, if it does not work out, I'll date you or want you?" What makes you think that I would choose you? I know you are there and yet I show no signs of wanting to be with you ever. What makes you think that has changed?

Right now I am not in the I-hate-men club. I like men and don't have any plans ever on becoming a lesbian. It's just not in the cards for me. But I do want 'me' time. I have tons of things to do and don't want a relationship with a man unless it is a friendship - nothing more nor nothing less.

So rest assure, the pink book, although it does exist, is not being used. And the word 'Next' is being used only to check off the things that I need to accomplished which does not include you.

PS: I really do own the address book pictured. :)

For the last few weeks, I have been reflecting about the past year and the month of January of this year. It is amazing to me that my personal and professional lives both called it quits in January of 2008. As I was reflecting, I realized that I had moved from a positive path to a more negative path in 2007. This became more obvious when a friend called me and interrupted my thoughts. She called to tell her drama and spew negativity about men. As I listened, I realized that I, a generally positive person, have surrounded myself with negativity. What amused me as I half listened to her and listened more to my own thoughts is that negativity overpowered the positive in 2007 and January,2008. I know that positivity is more powerful than negativity but when it is completely surrounded by negativity, the light will dim a bit.

Today, I experienced someone's negativity trying to rain on my parade. Instead, I calmly said what I had to say and ended it with word "peace". I put on some tunes that always get my butt to jump around with joy and left the negativity aside. Positivity won this time. And at that moment I realized, it is up to me to be diligent on which path I chose to live.

My Chosen Path....Positivity

For those who know me, you know how I feel about my IPod. I still mourn the lost of my red Nano - the series before this new one which I don't like. I now have a ITouch. I know that Ipods are not the best when it comes to MP3 players; there are better ones out there. But I just love my IPods. And now, Apple has merged one of my favorite products with one of my favorite songs. I just love this commercial.

Wow, January came in with many twists and turns.

First, my mom went into the hospital for her second catherization in the first week of January. During this minor surgery, she had a heart attack. She was in the ICU for two week with a total hospital stay of 3 weeks. So I began to think well my mom is fine so life will go back to normal. But the last week of January was not to be outdone.

The breakdown of the last week of January:

Monday, Jan. 28 - Wednesday, Jan. 30
I can't really write about this. But I am extremely devastated about the situation.

Thursday, Jan. 31
I go into the office for a meeting with my senior management. Nothing new. During the meeting, I was handed a manilla folder with a notice that within 60 days, I was no longer an employee. I have been laid off. My company is trying to move non-essential employees out of the NY/NJ area. My group has been affected. If I want to keep my job I would have to move to either Chicago (too cold) or Ohio (too boring and cold). No relocation expenses and I would have to re-apply for my job. I must admit that I am fortunate to have people that care for me. My senior manager had gotten teary-eyed while talking to me. I felt so bad for him. My manager who I have never met but is such a great manager and who I totally adore, was there for me as well. Even my first manager to that group reached out to me. I completely appreciate them for that. I have to admit I knew and comprehended what was happening. I knew this was a business decision and not a performance issue;I wasn't the only one to get laid off. I am not angry nor resentful. I just thought boy, I need to make sure everything is documented and ready for the new person and went back to work.

So with that, all I have to say is:

Whew, thank goodness January is finally over! :)

I know many will think the below is sacrilege; but then that's your opinion and so be it. This morning, when I went to look at my email I had 5, yes, 5 chain letter emails regarding Jesus and if I don't forward them on I am basically denying Jesus. So, here's my take on these emails.

One, forwarding these emails is spamming. Just because these people know me and I voluntarily gave them my email address, do not for any minute think that this is not spam because it is.

Two, forwarding these emails will not now nor never make me a better Christian. Let's be honest here. Forwarding these emails will not make a person read the Word daily, study or follow it. Forwarding them will not make a person stop talking about another in hate or jealousy.

Three, not forwarding these emails is not denying Jesus. I am denying these emails on the basis of the above not on denying Jesus. I think that the ending of these emails is totally ridiculous. Quoting part of a scripture and twisting it to fit the reason why you should forward spam is crazy. You know the ending I am referring to, I know you do. Or the second favorite ending, 98% will have read this email but only 2% will forward it on. This is a slight reference to only a few will go through the road less traveled. Geez, and they say Catholics have a guilt trip religion...LOL.

So, if you forward these spam "Jesus" emails to me, rest assure that I will not forward them. But be aware that I will continue to read and study the Word daily. That I will strive to be a better Christian with my mind, heart and soul but not by my emails.

My family is full of members who are over 85 years old. In addition to this, my family is full of twins, mostly paternal - boy/girl rather than same sex. One pair of twins who are identical is a set of twin women who are 98 years old. One of them is healthy like an ox. She has no high blood pressure, no cholesterol problems, absolutely nothing wrong with her. Unfortunately, the other one had Alheimer's disease and was living in a nursing home. My great aunt with Alzheimer's died on Saturday. When I found out, I was both sad and happy. Happy that she is now with her Lord but sad about our "special" time.

What I remember most of my great aunt was that she was extremely religious. She was a devout Catholic who went to church daily and would only read the Bible. When I was 13 years old, my parents and I moved to New York City. During my visits back home to Puerto Rico, I would go to church with my aunt. That's all I really remember about her. The next time I see my aunt again will be 17 years later and by then she has Alzheimer's. She would periodically quote the Bible and she was always praying. But she remembers the little me and the grown me is a stranger. Every Saturday, I would go to visit her by taking a train and 2 buses to see her. See, my family would go to visit occasionally and although, my mom was trusted with her estate, she herself would not go every week. So every week this "stranger" would go to visit her by 9 a.m. and read the Bible to her in Spanish. Although, she died never really knowing who I was, it was our time together and nobody needed to know. I never told a soul until now that on Saturdays, she was my previous engagement. I would never break it. Sometimes, I would get there at 11 instead of 9 but I went faithfully every week without fail. So, it came as a surprise when I arrived on my usual time and found my parents there. My aunt had died. Of course, I had to explain why I was there with this huge bible but this was the only bible I had that was in Spanish. What happened next shook me to the core. My aunt, I learned, will be cremated something I know my aunt would never had wanted being the faithful Catholic woman she was even until the very end. My aunt never married and therefore, never had children. As they were packing her things, everything fit in one medium sized paper bag. On the ride home, as my parents chatted about what event they were going to that night, I started to think. Is this what life is all about? As I held my aunt's belongings I wanted to cry out. She was no longer a memory to anyone but me.

I am also a single person with no kids, is this what my end is going to be like for me?

This entire week I have been sick. Sick enough that my appetite had completely disappeared. Now, I know I complain about losing weight but not eating is not the way I want to lose it. During this time, if I was not trying to get some work done or sleeping I had time to think. I realized I am tired of being alone.

I started reminiscing about my marriage. Yes, my marriage had problems but one thing I know, my hubby and I were friends. You know the type, we fought but we could not be separated for long. And long for us that was approximately 15 minutes tops! We geniunely like being around each other. He was my best friend and I miss him so much.

During my sickness I realized that I missed that closeness of knowing that someone really cares about you. Now, yes, my parents are still alive but with their active social life, there are times when unfortunately they forget about me. I spent two days not eating and throwing up. No one knew. My friends called and left messages but there was no one here physically who cared. I must admit I am no picnic in the park but the fact that I have no one really saddens me. It dawned on me yesterday that the one person who really cared, really loved me died a long time ago. I am alone.

A_NYRICAN
A	Amazing
N	Nice
Y	Youthful
R	Risky
I	Influential
C	Cheesy
A	Appealing
N	Nasty
Get Your Own Name Acronym

Ok, so this whole week we have spoken about Imus, his comments regarding the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team, his firing from CBS, his simulcast being cancelled by MSNBC,racism, rappers, etc. So now the liberal in me is weighing in again.

One of the reasons why I was in the fence regarding the whole issue was because although I felt that Imus should be fired for his actions, I also felt "Well, what about the First Amendment?" During this time, my company's yearly mandatory Code of Conduct course was due. I am glad that I had put it off until then. What I realized as I went through the course is that although we are all protected by the First Amendment, we are also striving for a world of diversity. If I utter a racist and/or sexist word or comment in my workplace, anyone can take me up to Human Resources and make charges against me. It does not have to be directed to them or even have anything to do with them. All that needs to happen is that they overhear it; that's all. My company has proven this in the past too. I personally know 3 people who have been fired based on racist comments that were considered inappropriate to the company's diversity policy. And let's face it, we have all made a racist comment about one another. Not one person cannot say they haven't.

So, "Was Imus' First Amendment Rights violated?" No. As an employee of a large corporation, Imus knew that his company had a diversity clause. And large corporations clearly state what actions can be taken should you violate their diversity clause. It may include suspension or possible termination. So as an employee of CBS Radio, his actions was dealt with a dismissal. Now does this mean this is the reason he was fired? Of course not. Let's face it, the reason why Imus was fired was because the big advertisers were pulling out and demanding his termination.

I have heard a lot of people talk this week about First Amendment Rights and how we are becoming a society of censorship. Everyone agrees that Imus was wrong. What we may not agree with is whether he should have been suspended versus fired. But to confuse his firing with censorship is like comparing apples with oranges. It's ridiculous, so please censor your stupid opinions while in my presence.

This tribute video of Rachel Brice was created by one of her fans. Enjoy Rachel's belly dancing and "Snake Charmer" by Bassnectar & Kraddy. After seeing her dance you know why people say she is one of the best belly dancers in the world.

Enjoy!

Hmmm....Do I think Imus is a racist? I am not sure for I don't know Imus and have never cared for his show. But was his comment a racist one? For sure, no doubt about it.

What Imus does not and will not understand is that our youth is constantly bombarded with negative messages. They are constantly told by the "White" aka mainstream media that they are not worthy. This image of unworthiness, at times, are confirmed by some teachers, the police, society at large and sometimes, unfortunately, by their own family. The Rutgers Women Basketball Team had achieved a brief moment of acceptance, worthiness. For Imus to go and degrade these women was uncalled for and he should be held accountable.

I listened today to Al Sharpton's show. During the show, a caller told Imus he should be fired. Imus was peddling back and forth but finally used two key words which just sunk him even further, "You People". Now I am guilty of using the same words, "You People" and I pretty much mean it in the same manner which Imus was using it at the time. But I was told and it was brought home today that saying "You People" to African Americans is insulting. Something, I assure you I don't want to do. The caller and Al immediately repeated the insult. My question is how can we stop this type of racism from creeping out not only from the mouths of so-called celebrities but from their thoughts as well? I am disgusted as well that these nobodies then get on television or radio to offer their quick apologies. These apologies I feel is to ensure that the African American community does not picket their pristine offices and cause discomfort.

It saddens me to know that Imus has a huge following, just like Howard Stern. Two shows that I do not enjoy and therefore do not listen to. I can almost imagine many of Imus' fans laughing at his comments regarding the Rutgers women. At the moment and believe me I know a few people who personally love both of these shows, did they think or say "Wait a minute, that's unacceptable." Believe me, Imus will not lose his following. But these women did lose their moment. For today's news is not how Rutgers won but about Imus apologizing on the Al Sharpton's Show.

The Rutgers Women Basketball Team's moment of glory has been diminished to shine the spotlight on a white man's foot-in-mouth apology.

Update: Imus has been suspended by CBS Radio and MSNBC but he has not been fired. In today's world of satellite radio, even if he was fired, I would not be surprised if he ends up there. Also, at 6pm (EST), I was able to go to imusblog.com and listen to the entire broadcast of the Al Sharpton's show featuring Imus. That account is now suspended.

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.
2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.
4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still. So He can untangle the knot.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.
9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
10. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
11. The most important things in your home are the people.
12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.
13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.
17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goal and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

I went to San Antonio last week with all the hopes and giddiness of a school girl. I was finally going to met the person who I fell in love with. What I recieved was a lesson on why I should not trust people. I have always been a trusting soul. But after Sunday, I realized that trust is not ever to be given to anyone.

I put away childish things and I have grown up.

We called it an early nite today; JK is exhausted. As for me, you know I have the energy of a three year old...LOL.

San Antonio was beautiful. We stood in a hotel called Watermark Hotel & Spa. John called me spoiled when I suggested that hotel as opposed to a hotel that someone in Pal Talk had suggested. After a few minutes, he said I made a wise choice. See people should trust me :) . Anyway, San Antonio's River Walk is just beautiful and at night it's so romantic with all its lights. We also visited San Antonio's Botanical Garden which anyone who is in San Antonio must visit. Of course, we also went to The Alamo. But mostly, we just traveled on our own, trying to get a feel of the place. San Antonio surprised me. I thought it would be very suburban but it's really very metropolitan, at least more metropolitan than what I had imagined. JK loved San Antonio and actually so did I. I took tons of pics and swear I will upload them when I get home.

Our next stop, Austin. We are currently in Austin and of course while there we visited our friend. Austin is just beautiful. I love Austin. So now there's some conflict, JK wants to live in San Antonio. I want Austin. Austin deserves its own post, that's how much I fell in love with the place. It's very cultural and has tons of museums :) . My favorite so far has to be Jack S Blanton Museum of Art located on the University of Texas campus. You must visit this place if you are a fan of art. So far I have visited 4 museums and I have only been here for 2 days. I think Austin is going to be my new home.

We did visit my work offices both in San Antonio and Austin. Both look the same to me and they both seem to look like my office in NJ, so much for individuality. Both offices have room for me and the people were so friendly so I felt very welcomed.

Well, another 2 days in Austin and then back to New York City. I do miss the city but I am loving Austin.

Later or better yet, heeeee hawwwww. By the way, I have yet to hear anyone say that...LOL.

Well, JK and I arrived safely to San Antonio this morning. Due to the rain in NYC, we had a 2 hours delay but was greeted to wonderful weather here in San Antonio.

The Riverwalk area is beautiful so now we are off to lunch and then some site seeing. I have already taken tons of pictures and will upload them shortly.

We are here until Sunday and then off to Austin.

Catch you all later....Heeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww

Side Note: Although I am "officially" on vacation. I am working today and Sunday. I did 4 conference calls today and the next one is at 3:30pm (4:30 est). This is what you get when you are managing a multi-billion dollar project. Your vacation is not really vacation.

I previously stated that I had in the past been a Roman Catholic and a Jehovah's Witness. Today the latter religion came knocking at my door. First and foremost, I am not a disfellowed member. Disfellowship, for those that do not know, is when the congregation shuns you for some sinful act and you are no longer associated as a member. I am a disassociated member because it was my decision to leave. As a disassociated member, I am shunned by my former Jehovah's Witnesses friends and family members since I have not repented, i.e., have not returned to the fellowship, I will never be resurrected once God reigns again. This is according to the Jehovah's Witnesses.

At the age of 17, I was very dissatified with my Catholic religion and was looking for answers to many of my questions. While in high school, I met and had a friendship with a fellow student who was a Jehovah Witness. After several visits, I started going to my local Kingdom Hall which happened to be just a block away from my parents' home. I never felt comfortable with them but at least unlike my former religion, I did get answers. Today, I do not accept a lot of the answers I received but at 17, something was better than nothing. I will go into the reasons why in another post, I promise. I have a lot to say about being a Roman Catholic and a Jehovah Witness. But I will say this much, the guilt put on me during my time as a Jehovah Witness was extreme. I was a non-smoker, at the time, and had never had a drop of alcohol until the age of 24. I left the fellowship at the age of 23.

My biggest sin was that I fell in love and married a man who was not a Jehovah Witness. He actually considered himself an atheist. Today, I would say my husband was no such thing, he was agnostic. He believed in a higher power but gave it no name. And he lived a honest, considerate life as far as any human can. My fellow brothers and sisters continued to attack me for not trying to convert him or rather as they would say it "save him". They are right, I never tried to get him to convert. He respected me and my beliefs and I returned the favor. The elders would lecture me endlessly about our marriage and "bedroom" behavior. They wanted details on both on a constant basis since I was in a way in danger of "becoming a lost sheep." I left them when I was 23 and my husband was sick from leukemia. My husband was dying and what I was told by one of the elders is that my Jehovah was doing this because he was dissatified with my husband and that my husband would never ever see eternal life. That was it, I left. Over the years, I wandered around in search of God. Even this year, I returned back to Catholicism and did Jehovah Witness bible studies. How's that for being twisted? I am now a member of a non-denominational church and feel that I have found a true fellowship for me.

I am currently reading Raymond Franz's In Search of Christian Freedom. Franz is an ex-Witness and was also an elder at one time. Of course, his books are not preferred reading in the JW community. I was reading this particular book when I got a knock at the door. It was one of the Witness that stands in the subway which I use to go to work. Upon seeing the book in my hand, she said "Jehovah guided me to your door." I laughed at that comment because I would have probably have said the same thing in her shoes. She began to talk to me about her scriptures. The reason why I say her scriptures is because she is getting a lot of her information from the New World Translation bible and the WatchTower. Both things are published by Jehovah Witnesses. We began to talk and I told her all about her religion and that I was disassociated member. She left my home by saying that I was lost. For the past few weeks, I have stop smoking. Completely stopped by prayer and dedication, I have found strength against this demon. I am relaxed and continue to grow my relationship with God and Jesus. So I thought as I was closing the door, she feels that I am lost and I know that I am drinking from the best well.

Afterthought: I am back on PalTalk under another username and am frequently in the ExJehovahs Witness following Jesus room. If you are a member of PalTalk you should come and visit that room. It's very interesting.

Today as I am leaving for work, I hear in the news that my train line is down because of "police activity." Not one train but my entire line, the 2 and 3 trains. So I decided no problem, I know in advance I will walk to the "B" train. Unfortunately, many of my fellow New Yorkers thought the same thing too. So as I go into the station, I find a mob of people trying to get to work. After waiting 47 minutes to get into a squashed train, I get to hear that there are signal problems ahead. Of course, this announcement, which by the way I heard clearly (yeah, no muffled voice, go figure!) was said while we were in the tunnel; no chance of getting out. A trip that normally takes me about 45 minutes, took today 2 hours and 19 minutes.

And so while people were shoving each other and cursing at one another, I could not help but sing to myself (no, I did not sing out loud) "Native New Yorker." For weeks, the City has been romancing me, trying very hard to make me change my mind of leaving her. She was a seductress and I was wondering if maybe I should stay. Today's train experience did not change my mind. I did not go and say yeah this is why I want to leave. The truth is I love my city and all she offers. Sometimes she offers great excitement and love and sometimes she offers darkness and fear but that's what New York City is all about.

In less than 2 weeks, JK, who has decided he wants to move with me, and I will be going to Texas where we will visit my work offices in San Antonio and Austin. Chances are I will pick Austin. No matter how beautiful Austin is, Austin will never romance me like New York City. I guess I am just a native New Yorker at heart.