A Nuyorican Vision - Thoughts in Motion

Like so many today, I took time to remember those lost to the 9/11 attack. That day is so surreal. It started for me when I walked out of the house. I usually never make a mental comment about the weather. But that day, I did. I actually told myself "My goodness, what a beautiful day today is."

I took the subway just like many New Yorkers. I went to work like so many that day. I was on the phone with a friend when she said someone just crashed into the building and they are telling us to stay put. I heard it in her voice...she was scared. I advised her to go, get out of there. But her answer to me was "I don't want to get in trouble, T. I am not like you, you trouble maker." She accepts what was told to her although she was scared and her gut was telling her the same thing I had said. The phone eventually went dead. She never got to hear me call her chicken. Never in my mind could I guess what I today know had transpired. America was under attack. Hours later, I see my friend again. But this time, she is on TV and she is holding a man's hand as she jumps out of desperation. And as I watch my friend jump, I see her acceptance of her death but also her defiance. For once, she did not accept what other said or did. She took a stance I could never take. For the true chicken here was me.

This post will contain no flag or pictures of Sarah. It has one of my most biggest treasures, my soul.

To all Americans, may God bless us all.

Although, this originally started as a video blog it is more like a written blog. I guess I must be camera shy...LOL. I was never into writing my words in a blog and found video blogging so much more interesting. So it amazes me that this site has become a written blog for me.

Again, I am looking at my life and reflecting. Just for the record, I live it as well. But I am known for having a reflective attitude so for those that don't know me, I do apologize. Love was the theme of today. A friend came to me today and told me that her husband and her were separating. And I wondered how does love turn to separation? Unfortunately, I know many married couples who are living together in loveless relationships, too many. So as I read her instant message, I wonder when did it happened and how. Did the lines of communication stop? It had to, because communication is key to a relationship. And if we all know this, why do we allow it to happen? Was the catalyst maybe unfulfilled dreams or aspirations? What causes us to stop being "in love?"

After speaking to her, I started to think about my past relationships. Some of my ex-boyfriends are good friends today. But I never said I loved them because I honestly did not. And this thought brought me to my recent heartache. Do I love him? No. But I saw the possibility of loving him. That thought was a surprise. I never realized that I saw a possibility to love a person, really love a person. This made me wonder were all of these loveless or "not in love anymore" relationship once built on the possibility of loving the person and not really loving them? And what is love exacty? Many have defined it but who really knows.

So with this thought I leave this post with the definition that I love the most and one of my favorites from the Bible.

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Well I have been gone for a very long time. My Slider is not working properly and so much change has to be done to this vlog.

While away, I did keep in touch with the video aspect of the Web. Yes, I joined the thousands of video chatters. Here I met the strong, the weak, the sick, the healthy, the smart and the dumb and even the confused. I found a boyfriend, left a boyfriend and found a possible "Mr. Right" to find out he was "Mr. Wrong". And during this time, I laughed, cried, listened to new music and made friends. Even learned what an overlay is and used my video tools.

Unlike vlogging, I found instant gratification. To see someone's reaction immediately on cam was exciting to me. I saw all these possibilities of this new Web and was hooked by the people and interaction. The on-line community had me. I have never been into chat but chat with video and music, well that's another story. I had a great time, even when Winter ended (the reason why I joined), PalTalk remained. Spring and Summer soon arrived and although I was not hooked as previously, it became home. I had made so many friends from different parts of the country and even the world. I even met fellow New Yorkers. This new home was comfy and I settled in.

So why today did I leave that world - removed names on my pal list, shut down my user names and remove the software off my laptop? Well, some will say it's because of the failed and misguided online romance. But the truth, the truth is I knew it was time to leave. And therefore, I left Pal just the way I came in, no announcements. Poof! One day I just appeared in PalTalk and now poof, I'm gone.




Now is time to return to a more safer world - vlogging. A world of delayed gratification but I have learned that an instant one can hurt and also hurt others. I have returned to my haven.