A Nuyorican Vision - Thoughts in Motion

What are instincts?

Some say it's your subconscious; others say it's God talking to you. Either way, everyone knows the saying 'Follow your instincts and you won't go wrong.' I believe instincts come from a situation or situations where your consciousness does not register what's wrong but your subconscious does. This post is about not following my instincts.

Last year early March, my instincts made me do another background check on someone. I found some divorces but also a marriage that at the time was about 2 years old. I confronted the individual on this fact, after that our 'relationship' went downhill which further confirmed my suspicions. Now, before I go further, let me explain that I am not someone who dates married or separated men. To me, even if the man has been separated for 10 years, he is still married and that means off limits. I was faced with the possibility that I had fallen in love with a married man. This was too difficult for me to handle. So what is an intelligent woman who is in love to do? Well, something not so intelligent, believe him when he says he is not married. The question nagged me for months and months afterwards. In some cases, he did seem single but in others his actions did reflect a man who was having a secret affair. Today, while looking for my former manager's address, I looked the questionable man up. Again, his 'ex-wife' who should not have anything to do with the address due to being married and divorced in another county, appeared along with this man. I confront him again and again he denies it and then goes on the defense. Now, you ask me, didn't you write that this relationship is over? Why are you continuing to do a search for him? Are you obsessed or psycho or something? The answer is yes, it is over but this would explain a lot on his actions, that really don't make a lot of sense. And no, I am not obsessed or psycho but if he is married, I would like to know that I was dimwitted and accomplice to the adultry.

Now, thinking back and hindsight being 20/20, I should have walked away from the situation. I should have followed my instincts.