A Nuyorican Vision - Thoughts in Motion

Today is the best time of year. It's Halloween. And of course, I am going to be the largest Halloween parade in the U.S., the New York City Halloween Parade.

I know Halloween is a pagan day but even as a child, Halloween was even better than Christmas to me. I know, I was a strange kid. But the fact that we are dressing up in costume so that the dead would not recognize us as one among the living fascinated me.

This year, I am a sexy black witch. And when I mean sexy I mean cleavage and everything is hanging, baby.

Well Happy Halloween to all. And ... Booooo. Did I scare you?

Finally! Friday is here and Girls' Nite out has arrived. Good times, good food and great company. Boy, do we have a lot to catch up on.

As for me, my week has been exciting. For one, my manager has granted me permission to relocate and I can relocate to wherever I wish without a reduction in pay plus moving expenses paid. And I have decided which state to look at first as well but more on that later. Also, my project is getting kudos in Asia Pacific (Japan for now). Lots of hard work is finally paying off.... :) So I end this work week in high spirits, great friends and Victor's Cafe. If you come to NYC and you like Cuban food, Victor's Cafe is the place to go.

What more can a girl ask for...except for a new pair of 5" heeled boots?

I am not one of those people who look forward to the Fall. To me, Fall means that it gets dark around 4:30 p.m. or 5 p.m., it starts getting cold and the wind is going to make a mess of my hair. What I do like about the Fall is the leaves changes, they are beautiful and....BOOTS. Yes, sir, I love wearing boots. And the kind I like are not the cool fluffy ones. I love high heeled boots, 3 inches or more for this girl, please.

I just brought myself 4 pairs of boots. Yuppers, I sure did. Ok, one pair does not count because they are snow boots....boooooo. But the other 3 are fantasic - 2 pairs of 4" heels and 1 pair of 3" heels! One of the 4" heeled boots is a long black suede so you know I am wearing my short skirts with that one. My ass is again going to be sashaying NYC streets in my beautiful boots starting tomorrow. Yippee, boot season is back!

This post will not contain my opinion just wanted everybody to know that there is a film coming out on the October 27th featuring Jesus as a black man. I am not endorsing this film in anyway. Just thought I post the website's url here. I haven't decided yet whether I want to see it.

http://www.colorofthecross.com/

For those who don't know me, I have been volunteering my time for many years. To be exact, since I was 13 years old. I believe in giving back to the community. Even if you can devote only an hour of your time once a month, people should give back. Our communities good or bad are our home. If you are unable to give to your community, give your time to a cause you believe in but give back. We are on this earth together so why make someone's else life just a little bit easier, happier or just to let them know that there is someone here who wants to spend some time with them.

JPMorgan Chase sponsors the On_Dec program which brings computers to school kids. It's an excellent program and they teach you how to install computers so novices can do it too. I looked and could not find how those who do not work for the company can participate. But there's another program that is modeled after the On_Dec program. Here's a link to that website, Comp2Kids.

Please devote your time, even if it's hour. It's worth it.

I have received many emails commenting on my sidebar. I wrote that I was a seeker and also add a saying from Yogananda. In December, 2005 when I originally created this blogger I was a seeker. I was a seeker of truth, not particular a teacher or a "religion." Today, I must say that I am no longer a seeker. I am now trying to become a more active participant. What I mean by that is that I want to deepen my relationship with GOD, not so much become a member of any religion.

I am currently writing a post regarding my dealings with the Roman Catholic religion. It's so long that I am trying to condense it somehow.

But for those who have sent several emails, here are my responses to the common questions.

Have you become more spiritual or religious?
I must say that I have become both. I was always spiritual, but I have found a great non-denominational church which I am now a member of.

What caused you to say you were a seeker?
As I wrote above, I was seeking the truth. My former religion and what the Bible speaks about are completely contradicting each other. I chose the Bible over my religion. I started seeking the truth elsewhere such as Buddhism, Hindism and even Jehovah Witness. But these failed to answer my questions. I started to read the Bible on my own. A good friend of mine recommended her church, I went and felt that it was a place where I was drinking from the "best well."

Are you an atheist or agnostic?
I am neither. I believe in God and his ultimate wisdom. I have and have always had a personal relationship with God. I just don't say a whole bunch of prayers. I converse with God, for he is always there listening, speaking and guiding me.

I have decided that the time has come for me to say good bye to New York City. I am going in tomorrow to ask my manager for permission to relocate. I have some vacation time left, 4 weeks to be exact, and although they are already planned the dates are flexible enough for me to look for a new home.

I am looking for a warmer climate. I love my family, friends and the life that I have built here. Yet, I know it's time to leave. Something in my gut says so and I always listen to my gut. Except for one situation dealing with a man, my gut is usually never wrong.

My first choice, of course is Florida but I am looking at other possibilities as well. Any recommendations? The location must be in the U.S. Email me with your recommendations and why. Click "View My Complete Profile" link on the right, my email contact is on the Profile. I would love to see the responses.

People always seem to amaze me. I have begun to classify my voicemail messages into categories.

Category 1: Just Hi - these messages are left from most friends and family. I usually respond to these.

Category 2: I Need Someone To Talk To - these are left usually by family, friends and some acquaintances. These messages are a cry for help and usually not a financial one but an emotional one. These messages are always returned by me.

Category 3: Making Sure You Call Back - these messages are usually left by men who know that I have a curious soul. They are usually left cryptic enough to ensure a call back. These sometimes get answered. Sometimes a mystery should remain just a mystery.

Category 4: The Gossip - these are the ones I most despise. They bring some news you either don't care about or just don't want to hear. The person continues to call several times during the hour and leaves one message but continues to call to see if they catch you at some point of the day. They call your home and cell or any other number you were stupid enough to give them. I hate these messages and never ever return them. The person will eventually catch up to me when I am not paying attention to my caller ID which really happens more often than not.

The reason why I am talking about my message categories. Well I got a Category 4 yesterday. I was not interested in speaking to this person. From the tone of the voice of the message I knew it was a Category 4. She kept on calling all day and night and not reaching me. This morning she called at the crack of dawn and of course with me forgetting that there is a person out there with a Category 4 answered the phone.

She chatted about non-sense before delivering the message she wanted to deliver. Now, if I tell a person I don't want to know any further details of an event. Why would you call with updates? Geez, when will I learn not to give my number out? Really!

It was brought to my attention today that my posts although tasteful were inconsiderate. Upon briefly thinking about it, I agreed with the person. I was thinking more of my hurt than of the people that I was writing about. I live by a standard of life not to hurt anyone even if I am hurting at the time. I was accused of being a coward. I agree, I was.

For those who took the time to post comments in my blog, I thank you and I am truly sorry I was unable to save them. I did read them all though and commented on each one of them. For those who have sent me emails, I thank you for your well wishes.

I have decided to write my thoughts about my feelings in regards to that particular subject to my machine's software and not in front of the public's eye.

I thought about this on my way to work. In December of 2005, I wrote that I was looking forward to life's unknown. Somehow I knew that life was going to throw me curves and angles in 2006. As this year heads towards winding down. Some of the unknowns are knowns now.

Although I know myself pretty well and those who know me would agree. I still surprise myself with things that I continue to learn about myself. It amazes me how this year has started and how it seems it is going to end.

I have always been extremely career-driven. My work was my life. And yet in 2006, I finally stopped and took the time to smell the roses. I started to leave work on time. Instead of working 15 to 16 hour days, I learned to work my eight and go home. I went on vacation and did not call the office once. I learned to trust that people will do their jobs if you allow them to. Now, I do not micromanage but I do double and triple check people's work. This year I came to trust the team that I manage. And guess what? They did not disappoint me at all.

I started to spend more time with friends and family. My family on an average saw me for about an hour tops once a week on any given day and that included holidays. I was always too busy working to give them more time. I now spend Saturdays with my parents when I can but I definitely spend time with them on Sundays after Sunday service. I go out and spend time with friends as well.

Speaking about Sunday service I went from being a Roman Catholic to going to a non-denominational church. I have always had issues with my Roman Catholic religion. As you can see from my sidebar I started to question my faith and therefore found myself as a seeker. I am now drinking from the best well and drinking daily from its living waters.

I learned that I can love someone with all my heart and soul. Except for my husband, I have never loved anyone else like him. I learned that I still can love like that. This surprises me. I thought that part of me died with my husband. I learned that it did not.

I learned that not always will I take the higher road in situations. There are times that I take a much lower road. This surprised me the most. For I am known for always taking the higher road. But this year I made decisions or perform actions that I never knew I was capable of.

So now I wonder what other life's unknown are coming my way. Again, I say here's to that wonderful thing about life...the unknown.

This is going to sound very crazy what I am about to write but hey, as you get to know more about me, you realize it's just me being me.

Every time I step out of my home, I am confronted with men who want to take me out, get to know me better or date me. And not just one or two, there are several men from my neighborhood ranging from African Americans to the Spanish and even one Irish man. This always amazes me because I am an average looking woman. Nothing really special to look at all. What's even more funny to me is that I don't give any of them a second glance yet every night this week I have been crying for another man. Now, I am not rude to them when they say hello. I do say hello back. It's not really in my nature to be rude and like my mami always says "a hello does not cost you anything."

I went to my nutritionist this evening and one man in subway kept staring at me. Normally to other people this means trouble. But for me I knew that he was finding a way to talk to me and ask me for my number. Sure enough, after the second stop, he approached me and told me I was beautiful. By stop four, he asked for the magic numbers. I said I did not think it was wise and got off on stop five. By the time I got to my nutritionist, six men had asked me out. And yet, I only think of one. SMH.

For the past 8 years, my girlfriends and I have been doing a Girls' Nite Out every month. I love this moment. These girls have been through thick and thin with me and vice versa. I trust these women without question or doubt.

So, I am kind of happy that Girls' Nite Out will be happening next Friday. I need the vibe that these special women give out. I have been so upset lately and had just been able to speak to them on the phone. So it's good that I will be able to feed from the positive vibes these women bring. I wish I could just add one more friend to our Girls' Nite Out. Milk is a person I met on PalTalk but has become a good close friend in such a short time. She is honest, outspoken and a just an overall beautiful person.

Now I met other women as well in PT but they ended up either being stupid, liars or just plain ol' "we are not cut from the same clothe" kind of people. Milk is crazy and I love her for that. She is also one of the most honest people I have ever met. I wish she was here in NYC so that she too could join our little circle. I know my friends would love her.

So if I get to Ohio anytime soon I know I am looking up Milk. She is definitely a friend for life.

Like so many today, I took time to remember those lost to the 9/11 attack. That day is so surreal. It started for me when I walked out of the house. I usually never make a mental comment about the weather. But that day, I did. I actually told myself "My goodness, what a beautiful day today is."

I took the subway just like many New Yorkers. I went to work like so many that day. I was on the phone with a friend when she said someone just crashed into the building and they are telling us to stay put. I heard it in her voice...she was scared. I advised her to go, get out of there. But her answer to me was "I don't want to get in trouble, T. I am not like you, you trouble maker." She accepts what was told to her although she was scared and her gut was telling her the same thing I had said. The phone eventually went dead. She never got to hear me call her chicken. Never in my mind could I guess what I today know had transpired. America was under attack. Hours later, I see my friend again. But this time, she is on TV and she is holding a man's hand as she jumps out of desperation. And as I watch my friend jump, I see her acceptance of her death but also her defiance. For once, she did not accept what other said or did. She took a stance I could never take. For the true chicken here was me.

This post will contain no flag or pictures of Sarah. It has one of my most biggest treasures, my soul.

To all Americans, may God bless us all.

Although, this originally started as a video blog it is more like a written blog. I guess I must be camera shy...LOL. I was never into writing my words in a blog and found video blogging so much more interesting. So it amazes me that this site has become a written blog for me.

Again, I am looking at my life and reflecting. Just for the record, I live it as well. But I am known for having a reflective attitude so for those that don't know me, I do apologize. Love was the theme of today. A friend came to me today and told me that her husband and her were separating. And I wondered how does love turn to separation? Unfortunately, I know many married couples who are living together in loveless relationships, too many. So as I read her instant message, I wonder when did it happened and how. Did the lines of communication stop? It had to, because communication is key to a relationship. And if we all know this, why do we allow it to happen? Was the catalyst maybe unfulfilled dreams or aspirations? What causes us to stop being "in love?"

After speaking to her, I started to think about my past relationships. Some of my ex-boyfriends are good friends today. But I never said I loved them because I honestly did not. And this thought brought me to my recent heartache. Do I love him? No. But I saw the possibility of loving him. That thought was a surprise. I never realized that I saw a possibility to love a person, really love a person. This made me wonder were all of these loveless or "not in love anymore" relationship once built on the possibility of loving the person and not really loving them? And what is love exacty? Many have defined it but who really knows.

So with this thought I leave this post with the definition that I love the most and one of my favorites from the Bible.

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Well I have been gone for a very long time. My Slider is not working properly and so much change has to be done to this vlog.

While away, I did keep in touch with the video aspect of the Web. Yes, I joined the thousands of video chatters. Here I met the strong, the weak, the sick, the healthy, the smart and the dumb and even the confused. I found a boyfriend, left a boyfriend and found a possible "Mr. Right" to find out he was "Mr. Wrong". And during this time, I laughed, cried, listened to new music and made friends. Even learned what an overlay is and used my video tools.

Unlike vlogging, I found instant gratification. To see someone's reaction immediately on cam was exciting to me. I saw all these possibilities of this new Web and was hooked by the people and interaction. The on-line community had me. I have never been into chat but chat with video and music, well that's another story. I had a great time, even when Winter ended (the reason why I joined), PalTalk remained. Spring and Summer soon arrived and although I was not hooked as previously, it became home. I had made so many friends from different parts of the country and even the world. I even met fellow New Yorkers. This new home was comfy and I settled in.

So why today did I leave that world - removed names on my pal list, shut down my user names and remove the software off my laptop? Well, some will say it's because of the failed and misguided online romance. But the truth, the truth is I knew it was time to leave. And therefore, I left Pal just the way I came in, no announcements. Poof! One day I just appeared in PalTalk and now poof, I'm gone.




Now is time to return to a more safer world - vlogging. A world of delayed gratification but I have learned that an instant one can hurt and also hurt others. I have returned to my haven.

Well, I have been so busy lately at work. I am working on a highly visible firm-wide project and have not had time for anything else. Also working late and having to do 3AM meetings with EMEA (Europe, Middle East and Africa) and also with Asia Pacific have not help.

Hopefully, I will be able to edit the videos I have and also do a video for some interesting causes soon.

Well, until then....

Well, I have made some changes. I wanted to add a picture archive to my blog. Unfortunately, since I was posting with Daily Motion (Flash), the pictures did not translate. So I made some changes.

1. The flash files are now accessible via a link instead of being the post picture.
2. The pictures on the post are just that pictures; they are not links. Although, I could use my blip.tv postings, it was just easier to add the jpg files.
3. My header now contains my picture archive. Click on any picture and it will take you to the post.

*Cough* I have caught a cold and I am miserable. I worked from home on Thursday and finally succumbed on Friday. I have done it all - home remedies, natural remedies, drugs. You named it, I have taken it.

*Cough* Haven't seen any videos, haven't edited any videos, haven't been on the Internet until now. I am so tired of resting. *Cough*

Image by: HomestarRunner.com
Short: Sick Day

(Check them out, they are extremely funny!)

For those who have seen my first video post, I now know what is happening to the buildings. It's a name that every New Yorker knows - Trump. Yes, people, the Donald and other major real estate companies are interested in buying properties in my area. And it is working, owners are selling.

Just so you know, I live in Harlem, NY; upper Westside for those not from NYC. My area is close to all means of transportation - trains and buses. I live 2 blocks west of Columbia University and 2 blocks east of Central Park. I have a variety of restaurants, supermarkets and stores at my doorstep.

Since moving to this area 5 years ago, I have seen twelve, yes, twelve luxury condos built. I have seen a tiny empty lot turned into a 4 floors luxury condo building. If you had ever seen this lot you would not believe they would able to build anything there much less a residential building but they did. The apartments take the whole floor and they are beautiful. The building is pictured above. It's the building in the middle and in the picture it looks bigger than what you see in person. As of yet, no one has moved in since its completion in August 2005.

The community is concerned that affordable housing will disappear. What tears at me is that when I moved here 4 1/2 years ago, I was expecting this to happen. You see, I leased out my high rise NJ condo with all its luxuries such as a doorman, pool and washer and dryer in each floor to move to Harlem. Why? I wanted to be on the ground floor to the new "Renaissance". I picked my building because it was well kept, in a great location and running in the black for over 6 years. What didn't I count on? Well, that my neighbors would become my friends. That I would come to love the small uncluttered buildings in my community. That my community has much to offer and that people here can be warm, friendly, funny and smart. I was guided with what the media portrayed Harlem to be. This is not to say that I have not seen some things that make me raise an eyebrow but it is nothing like what the media portrays Harlem to be.

So how do I feel now that my dream is becoming more and more a reality; heart-broken. Although, I feel that I will be just fine, I see how the rich is pushing the poor out. So what do I do now? I protest against this assault to my area right along with my community, shoulder to shoulder with my friends.